Managing Big Life Events When You Have Lupus
Lupus is a chronic (long-term) disease that can cause inflammation and pain in any part of your body. It’s an autoimmune disease, which means that your immune system — the body system that usually fights infections — attacks healthy tissue instead.
When you have lupus, certain symptoms, like fatigue, can make managing big life events or changes — like starting a new job, moving, or a divorce or separation — more challenging. What’s more, big life events — even positive ones — can be a source of stress, which can trigger a lupus flare (a period when your symptoms get worse).
When you have lupus, taking steps to plan ahead, prioritize your health care, look after your mental health, and get support from your friends and loved ones can all help you protect your health when managing big life events.
Plan Ahead — When You Can
You can’t always know when something big is going to happen in your life. But for the events you do know are coming, planning for them well in advance can make managing your lupus easier. Planning may involve:
- Talking with your doctor about the changes ahead. Your doctor can be a source of support and advice through a big life event. For example, if you’re starting a new job, you may need to decide whether to tell your new employer and colleagues about your lupus. Talking it through with your doctor ahead of time can help you make a decision you feel good about. Or, if you’re moving out of town, you can work with your doctor to make sure you have enough of your lupus medicines to last until you can find a new doctor and pharmacy.
- Planning ahead for rest. Getting rest is important for managing stress and fatigue — but it can be challenging to get enough during a busy time. Setting time aside to rest in advance can help. For example, if you know you’re starting a new job, avoid making plans outside of your working hours for a few weeks after you start so that you have time to recharge. Or, if you’re planning a big event like a wedding, see if you can keep 1 day free the week before so that you have time to relax beforehand.
- Start preparations early. If you can, try to spread preparations for a big event out over a few weeks or months. That way, you may be able to prep in short bursts — and avoid having to do too much at once. For example, start packing for a move a few months in advance, but only pack a few things at a time. Or, if you’re getting ready for the birth or adoption of a child, you may be able to do things like prepare foods and freeze them a few weeks before the child is expected. Then, you’ll have some meals on hand once they arrive.
Prioritize Your Health
It’s important to look after your health — even when you’re busy, stressed, or feeling down. But during a busy or challenging time, it can be hard to keep health top of mind. Try these strategies to prioritize your health during a big life event:
- Work closely with your doctor. Your doctor is a great resource to help navigate a big change or stressful time. Talk to them about what you’re going through — they’ll likely have tips for adjusting your routine or lupus care to keep your symptoms under control and protect your health.
- Be careful to avoid gaps in care. Some big life events might mean a change to your health care. For example, if you move to a new town, you might not be able to see the same lupus doctor. Consider asking your current doctor to recommend someone for you to see in your new area. Or, if you lose a job, you might also lose your employer-sponsored health coverage. You can take steps to get health insurance coverage, like signing up for COBRA insurance, or to lower your health care costs.
- Do your best to keep track of your lupus symptoms. It can be hard to track your symptoms when you have other things on your mind. But if you can, try to keep a symptom log to see if your lupus is changing or watch for signs of a flare — that way, you can take steps to try to stop the flare or prevent it from getting worse. For example, you could write your symptoms down in a notebook, keep track in your smart phone, or use this checklist. And if you do notice signs of a flare, be sure to let your doctor know right away.
- Eat healthy foods and make time for physical activity. Diet and exercise are important to overall health — but they can be hard to prioritize during times of change or stress. Healthy convenience foods and making exercise part of your routine can make it easier to keep up with these healthy habits. For example, your grocery store may offer premade meals — look for options that include lean proteins, like chicken or beans, and plenty of veggies or fruit. To stay active, try taking a 10-minute walk after each meal or try dancing for 15 minutes twice a day.
Look After Your Mental Health
Looking after your mental health is just as important as looking after your physical health. Many life events — like losing a job unexpectedly, going through a divorce or separation, or losing a loved one — can take a toll on your mental health. If you’re feeling depressed, overwhelmed, or anxious because of changes in your life, you can take these steps:
- Talk with your doctor or a mental health professional. Grief, depression, or anxiety can be challenging to navigate alone. Try talking to your doctor about how you’re feeling. They can offer support and can help connect you with resources that can help — like a mental health professional or counselor. They may also be able to prescribe you medicines to help you cope with feelings of anxiety or depression.
- Join a support group. Finding a support group can help you connect with other people who are experiencing something similar. They can give you a space to share your feelings and hear what others are doing to manage their own situations. You might benefit from joining a support group for people with lupus or from a different type of support group, such as a group for people grieving a loved one or going through a divorce.
- Find ways to manage stress. Self-reflection, taking time to do things you enjoy, spending time with friends and loved ones, and getting physical activity can all help you destress and boost your mental health. Try journaling or meditating, taking a walk with a friend, finding time for a hobby you enjoy, or signing up for a class or workshop on a topic that interests you. Your doctor can also give you advice about ways to manage stress.
Get Support From Friends and Loved Ones
Friends and loved ones can offer practical help and emotional support when you’re going through a big life event. Here are some ways your friends and loved ones may be able to help:
- Spending time with you. If you’re going through a big change in your life, like losing a job or getting a divorce, spending time with friends and loved ones can help you feel grounded and give you a sense of normalcy during a difficult time.
- Helping you get things done. For example, if you’re moving, ask your friends and loved ones to help you pack and transport your things. Getting support with routine tasks like grocery shopping, cleaning, or childcare can also be a big help when you’re welcoming a new child, coping with the loss of a loved one, or going through another busy time.
- Offering emotional support. Talking with someone you trust about what you’re going through and how you’re feeling can help you process your own thoughts and feelings. Ask a friend or loved one if you can talk to them about what’s going on in your life.
It can be difficult to ask for what you need. And while friends and loved ones can be great sources of support, they might not always know exactly what to do. Try these tips to make it easier to ask for and accept help:
- Be open and honest about how you’re feeling. Sharing how you’re doing with your loved ones can help them know when and how to support you. And keep in mind that most people are sincere when they say they want to help you — so if a friend or loved one offers, don’t be afraid to accept!
- Give specific suggestions. Think about where you could use help. For example, if you have a new baby, maybe it would be helpful to have a friend sit with the baby for a little while so that you can take a nap or have a shower. That way, when someone offers help, you’ll have an idea in mind.
- Ask for what you really need. Sometimes, a friend or loved one might offer help that you don’t need. For example, a friend might offer to go grocery shopping for you, but you could actually use help with something else. You could try saying something like, “Thank you for offering to get groceries — I appreciate it, but I’m actually all set with food. I’d love your help moving a couple boxes into my garage. Would you be able to stop by and help me next week?”
Learn More About Managing Lupus
Explore these additional resources to learn more about managing lupus: