10 things you can control in a conflict
Dealing with conflict takes energy, and when you’re living with lupus, energy can be in short supply. If you’ve tried your best to resolve a problem, but it still remains, consider using these 10 ways to regain control.
- Your Plan - Visualizing the future helps you focus beyond temporary problems.
- Your Perspective - Stop and reassess your point of view and find a learning opportunity in the situation.
- Your Responses - Look for ways to respond that don’t escalate anxiety.
- Your Investment - Spend less time thinking about it, talking about it, and engaging in it.
- Your Role - It takes two to tango, and if you stop dancing, the conflict has no choice but to diminish.
- Your Expectations - Changing expectations doesn’t mean lowering them. Stop holding others to standards they don’t know they’re being measured against, and get a new yardstick!
- Your Energy - Direct your energy elsewhere: toward family, classes at the gym, continuing education, or friends.
- Your Own Story - Give accounts without elevating or victimizing anyone. Say, “It’s a difficult time right now, but I am learning a valuable lesson,” rather than, “Once again, I am the victim.”
- Your Method for Processing Emotions - Talk with a trusted source, keep a journal, get some exercise, or write letters you’ll never send.
- Your Character - Show your best side and not an unchecked series of poor reactions.
Wrote a book on conflict resolution. Both she and her daughter, Vanessa, have lupus. Read Bio