How do I deal with feelings of anger or frustration?

Being a caregiver for a loved one with lupus can be rewarding and satisfying because it can allow the two of you to become closer. However, there can also be some negative feelings at times, as you both struggle with redefined roles and with expectations that may no longer be realistic. Occasional feelings of anger, confusion, and frustration are not uncommon. While recognizing this, it is crucial to find appropriate, constructive ways to deal with these emotions.


To combat negative feelings and cope in a positive way it is important for you to have open communication with your support system and your loved one with lupus. The last thing you want to do is channel any negativity toward the person with lupus, because your frustration is with the disease and the situation, not with them. Making this clear can make a huge difference. Regularly scheduled family talks can be very helpful, and allow you and other family members to share feelings and find solutions. 

Time for Self

Make every week a fresh start and a chance to regain positivity. Some experts suggest designating 15 minutes to just let it all out in a healthy, constructive manner. Go for a walk to clear your head, play your favorite song on repeat, vent to someone in your support system. You need to explore what makes you happy and allows you to channel your emotions.  By doing so, you can work to have a positive outlook on the rewarding and fulfilling aspects of caregiving rather than focusing on negative feelings.

Talk to a Professional

Sometimes having a trained professional to talk to is the best medicine of all. Do not feel guilty or ashamed of having negative feelings about your role as caregiver. You are not alone. But it can really help to talk about this with someone who will never judge you. Many health insurance plans offer coverage for therapy sessions.

Medically reviewed on August 15, 2013

This article was published by the Lupus Foundation of America Office.